Withdrawal
by GundamDelta6
Summary: My new series of episode tags...each tag is a new chapter. See first AN inside for more... Clean and sober for the first time since the Ketamine three years ago, House has a lot to consider... HUDDY ALL THE WAY! Rated for safety. HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1a

Title: Used to the Pain

Category: House, MD

Pairing: None

Genre: Angst

Set: 6x01 "Broken"… just after the opening scene until his call to Wilson…

Rating: PG

Summary: Is he getting better? Or just used to the pain? Sort-of songfic…

AN: So hard finding the right scenes to tag, but I finally settled on these ones, and to remind everyone who read my profile and to tell everyone who didn't… This new series will be posted in story format with each tag being a new chapter because people kept adding my COMPLETED one-shot tags to story alerts, which is kinda useless since "completed" means it won't be updated… anyway…Chapter 1a of "Withdrawal"….

AN 2: The few song lyrics in this chapter are from "Used to the Pain" by Tracy Lawrence

* * *

…_I won't go so far as to say that I'm fine…_

Detox was a bitch. Even the slow detox as they gradually weaned him off the Vicodin. In one small part of his mind, he decided that the cold-turkey detox he'd hallucinated only a few nights previously was much more preferable. The hallucination part, though…not so much.

'But then,' House thought in a moment of calm when he actually had time to think, 'that's why I'm here, isn't it? To get rid of the hallucinations…' And it seemed to be working. He hadn't heard a single whiny voice whispering in his ear for a few hours now. There'd been no sign of the annoying blond for twice that long. He had allowed himself a sigh of relief when he'd realized she'd vanished.

That sigh of relief had quickly become a gasp of pain when his leg reminded him why Amber was no longer tormenting him. There wasn't much he could do to silence the pain, however, since they were giving him scheduled doses in smaller amounts than he was used to as part of the slow detox.

…_Too much of what I felt for you remains…_

He rolled over, clutching and massaging the lack of muscle as best he could, trying to stave off the worst of it until they brought his meds. He tried thinking of something else, anything else. Whether Wilson would visit him when he was calmer, what Cuddy was doing right now, if she somehow knew what he'd conveniently forgotten to tell her about his hallucinations. What he'd say to her when he got out, if she wanted him to say anything at all.

The pain cut through most of his thoughts, even the ones he didn't consciously try to think about. The only thought that really seemed to take his mind off the leg for even a minute was the thought that he was doing this partly for her. He could still hear Wilson's question to him: _"Would you rather be the man with the answers, or the man with Cuddy?"_

'Well,' House thought sardonically, 'does this answer your question, Jimmy?' Sucking in a harsh breath and curling into a ball under the thin blanket, he certainly hoped so. This was pure hell, and he hated every second of it.

But it would all be worth it. Every painful minute of it would reward him with the respect of his best friend and the ability to practice medicine again.

…_I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time…_

It was about eleven am a few days later when he realized the pain in his leg had dulled considerably. House allowed himself another deep sigh of relief. He was clean. Sober. Free of his psychosis. And he could leave. He was going to leave. That's all there was to it. He'd done what he came to do, and now he had to go back to work.

He'd have to ask Wilson to clear out his apartment, get rid of every last trace of the drugs… remove the temptation entirely. That is, if his best friend hadn't done so already. If he had, well, he'd have to thank him. If his old stash of Vicodin was still there, scattered throughout the apartment, he'd have to crash with Wilson to avoid re-establishing the habit.

Detoxing once sucked. Doing it again wasn't even worth considering. Not to mention the hallucinations would come back. Which was at the very bottom of his wish list.

Going home to his friends, though… He couldn't wait to get back to Princeton and his piano and bike and his patients.

…_But the truth is, I really can't say…_

…Were they seriously forcing him to stay there? He was fine! He was better! He could go back to work…could go back to people that actually cared about him. Couldn't they see that he hated it here? Couldn't they tell he wasn't crazy? That he was clean? Not in so much pain he couldn't concentrate? He didn't even have to lean too heavily on his cane anymore.

He did everything he could think of to get them to let him go, let him leave this prison. His roommate was driving him to the point of the insanity they all obviously thought he possessed. Nothing worked. And no one had come to see him. No one had come to talk to him, see how he was doing.

No one from the outside seemed to care as much as they said they did. He couldn't even call Wilson to talk, to catch up, to see what had changed while he'd been locked away in this prison of crazies.

…_If I'm getting better or just used to the pain…._

It was true, he realized as he hung up the phone and leaned his head back against the wall. He was alone. Wilson wouldn't help him. Wilson wouldn't come and see him. Wilson probably wouldn't even come to pick him up when his iron-fisted doctor finally decided to let him go

Whenever that would be…

House sighed in frustration as he pushed away from the wall to head back up to his room.

* * *

Part 2 of this chapter will more than likely be up tomorrow because I'm fighting a migraine headache at the moment...so, you know the drill, read, review, make me happy XD


	2. Chapter 1b

Part 2 of the "Broken" tag! Enjoy!!

* * *

Title: Back Where I Belong

Category: House, MD

Pairing: None…

Genre: General

Set: 6x02 "Broken"… continuation of the bus ride scene at the end

Rating: PG

Summary: It felt good to be heading home again, even though he knew it wouldn't be the same one he'd left behind.

AN: Part 2 of the tag to "Broken"…again, there are song lyrics; these ones are "Back Where I Belong" by Darryl Worley House is a little OOC here, especially near the end, so I hope you forgive me for that.

* * *

_There's a little shack tucked back in the timber_

_It wasn't much back then but it was home_

_Sometimes it hurts me to remember_

_Just how long I've been gone…_

He'd dreamed of this for months. Sweet freedom. He let out a rather uncharacteristic sigh of contentment and laid his arms over the back of the bus seat, relaxes for the first time in a long while. Of course, he knew the relaxation and contentment couldn't, wouldn't last, but he'd learned to enjoy it while it did last.

He was changed.

He hoped it was for the better, hoped he could stay changed. He was quickly realizing that he liked it better when he was happy than when he was miserable. Sure, there would still be times when he was miserable, but they would pass, just like his times of happiness.

But he could deal. He was happy and content for once in his life, and his leg didn't really hurt all that much now that he thought about it. Besides, he had some non-narcotic pain medication if he absolutely needed it. And he'd taken some while waiting for the bus. It was working. Which was good.

House tried hard not to think about his new friends that he'd left behind, or the one who'd left him. Dwelling on the past was something he'd have to work on not doing. At his age, the present was all he had, because his future could be cut short at any moment.

God, was he really that old to be thinking about that sort of thing? The happy moment faded as he realized his fiftieth birthday had come and gone while he was locked away in the asylum. Had anyone even known? Would they have done anything special for him? House sighed and looked out the window at the passing scenery. He was sure Wilson would have some belated-birthday present or something for him.

That's what best friends were for, after all, wasn't it? 'Speaking of best friends…,' House thought to himself, dropping his arms from the back of the seat and stretching his legs out as best he could, crossing them at the ankles, 'I probably should have told him I'm out. But then, the doctors probably called him to let him know… Oh well…'

_Big city nights and lights surround me_

_Feels like a prison to my soul…_

He'd surprise Wilson, show up on his doorstep and knock incessantly on the door with his cane, just like the old days. He'd get back the watch Kutner had given him, his wallet, his cell phone, everything he'd given Wilson when they'd parted ways three months ago. He'd adjust to life on the outside again easily enough, and he'd do it without the Vicodin and with the help of his best friend.

And when he was sure there would be no awkwardness between him and Cuddy, he'd go back to courting her in his own, twisted way. If she even wanted him. And if she didn't want him, well then, he'd deal with it the way he'd learned how. Talking, not drowning his sorrows in drugs. Of course, that didn't mean he wouldn't turn to his scotch on occasion. He'd missed his scotch. The happy smile returned to his face at the idea of a glass of scotch on the rocks sitting on top of his piano as he tapped out the notes of a new composition or practicing an older one.

The scenery outside changed gradually from trees and country to the city streets and buildings. He never thought he'd enjoy seeing the towering office buildings or the string of stores and hotels lining the streets of the familiar city. They passed the sign welcoming them to Princeton and House sat up in his seat, wondering which stop he'd be getting off at. Part of him hoped it would be the one near his apartment, hoped he'd get off the bus and see his motorcycle right where he'd left it in the curb in front of his door.

The smile on his lips was quickly becoming a semi-permanent feature as he thought of riding his bike through the streets of Princeton, feeling the wind pass him by. He might even go without his helmet once just to feel that wind against his face. Such an out of character thought, House realized, chuckling to himself. But then, his character had changed more than just a little bit. Not completely, but enough that he appreciated life a bit more now than he had upon being admitted to Mayfield.

He took his cane in one hand and his suitcase in the other as the bus coasted to a stop a few blocks from the apartment complex House had once called his home and hoped to call it that again. The smile remained in place as he stepped off the bus and took in a deep breath of city air. He was home.

_I can hear a whippoorwill calling me home_

_Back where I belong.

* * *

_Sorry again if House seemed OOC, but I love Happy!House XD Reviews are greatly appreciated, and chapter 3 will be up a couple days after episode 3 airs. Based on a promo, I already have a pretty good idea of what scene I'll be tagging hehe


	3. Chapter 2

Title: Second Chances

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy

Genre: Friendship

Set: 6x03 "Epic Fail"… after the kitchen scene with House's classmate

Rating: PG

Summary: It wasn't the right time to attempt a relationship, but perhaps he could make sure their friendship was still intact…

AN: So sorry this is late… I've been really busy around the house and on my roleplay board, so I haven't had as much time to write as I would have liked. Hope you enjoy the chapter anyway!  
AN2: It's kinda short, but I don't really want to rush it...

* * *

House saw the smile on Cuddy's face as she turned to leave and walked out after her, leaving his preparation on the island. He dusted his hands on his pants as he stopped her in the living room.

"Cuddy…" He was honestly surprised when she turned around. "You don't think I was lying back there, do you? About why I can't come back…?"

"No, House. I believe you. Why, I don't know. I just…do." Cuddy shrugged and smiled at him. "I know you have to do what you feel is right."

House stepped up to her. "It's not what I feel that matters, Cuddy. It's… It's what you feel. If you feel like you can still trust me after what I did to you… then maybe we can still be friends." Cuddy stared at him.

"House…are you sure you're feeling okay? Friends? You spent two months hallucinating a full romantic relationship with me and you…"

"Want to be friends, yeah… We can start over. Not…all the way over, 'cause we can't undo Michigan…but I would really like to do this right if I'm going to do it at all, and I want us to still be friends…" House meant every word, and made careful note of her light blush at his mention of Michigan. "So… please tell me I didn't screw everything up…"

"House… You didn't screw up. And we don't have to start over."

"Yes we do… Lisa… I… Starting over is the best way I can think of to show you I'm better. I know I haven't done anything to earn your trust over the past twelve years or so…"

"House. Shut up. I trust you. I can tell you're better, and I've accepted that you aren't coming back. Though I do still want you to think things over. Your name is still on the door, you know."

House stared. She hadn't taken his name down… She actually wanted him to come back to his job. Actually wanted him taking on cases in his condition. But then, his condition was vastly improved over what it had been three months ago. He blinked and took a breath.

"Lisa… You… I…" he sighed. "I'll think about it, but I can't promise anything. My psychiatrist doesn't want me reverting to my old habits, and I don't want to go back to the Vicodin either. I just, can't take any chances…"

"I understand," Cuddy nodded, not seeming like she really understood at all. She leaned up a bit to give him a hug, which he returned. "I really did miss you while you were gone, House. And I'm going to keep missing you."

"I missed you too, Lisa… and thank you. For the offer." There was so much more he wanted to say to her, but it wasn't the time or the place for it. He hoped one day he'd be able to say those other things, but for now… He pulled away from the hug and looked into her bright green eyes. "I'll honestly consider it, and I'll come by your office when I've actually thought it through."

"That's all I ask, House. That's all I ask." Cuddy smiled and dropped her arms, turning toward the door. She left without another look back and House turned back into the kitchen, a soft smile on his lips.

* * *

Well, so ends another chapter, and I'll have the next one up after the next episode airs.


	4. Chapter 3

Title: Reasons

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy

Genre: Friendship

Set: 6x04 "The Tyrant" during the office scene

Rating: PG

Summary: "There's plenty of reasons I decided to come back, Cuddy," House said, quirking an eyebrow.

AN: OMFG this is sooo late….but I've got a good reason! I swear! I couldn't hear most of it on Monday because my dad was talking through it and it took me forever to find a copy online that actually worked… But it's here now, so no worries…

* * *

"Foreman, get back to work. House and I still have something to discuss," Cuddy said, looking at the neurologist-turned-department head. He stood up and gave House a dirty look before leaving his boss's office.

Once he was safely out of earshot, Cuddy turned to House. "Why did you really come back?" she asked.

"There's plenty of reasons I decided to come back, Cuddy," House said, quirking an eyebrow. "You asked me to think about it. I thought about it. I solved Foreman's case last week over the internet and told my psychiatrist about it. He thinks this is good for me. And it's not just the job, Cuddy. It's you."

Cuddy blinked and stared at him, taking in every word. "Me? You came back because of me?"

"…Yes. You and I… we work well together. I'm…I was one of your best doctors, and you…you were…are… one of the very few people I can call a friend. Me being here, you can keep an eye on me, make sure I don't relapse… Cuddy, wasn't it you who told me that I was part of your life?" Cuddy nodded slowly. She had said that…

"_For better or worse, you are a part of my life," Cuddy said, looking into House's eyes as they stood together in the elevator. Couldn't he see that, regardless of what she said otherwise, she wanted him there?_

"Yes. I did. And I meant it. I still do… But what does that have to do with anything?" she asked, chewing on her lip and trying not to look into his eyes, knowing what would happen if she did. She couldn't go there. Not now, probably not ever again.

"Well, you're part of my life too… and I wouldn't have it any other way." House pushed himself out of the chair and leaned on his cane as he regarded her with a surprisingly friendly look. He was actually looking at her face, her eyes, instead of at her breasts when he talked to her. Cuddy blinked, unsure about how this new House would work out. Would it last? Or would he go back to being an ass when his license was reinstated?

Things to worry about later.

"Thanks, House. I'm sure you actually mean that…" Damn. She did it. She looked into his eyes. And what she saw shocked her. There was something in them she'd never seen before. Happiness. He really did mean it.

"I do mean it, Lisa. And I'll try to keep a low profile until I'm a real doctor again…" He sighed and turned towards the door. Cuddy frowned. He missed treating patients? Wow.

"Look at it this way, House. No clinic duty for another month or so… And I won't make you make it up when you do get your license back." She wasn't prepared for him to look back at her, shocked. "Yes. You heard right. I won't make you make up the time you lost while you were unlicensed. You already owe enough hours as it is, adding four or more months onto that would be cruel of me."

"Thanks, Cuddy," House said lowly, nodding, before turning to leave again. He opened the door and left without her calling him back. He didn't mind being free of the clinic, but being free of all the other duties of a doctor…that he did mind. It wasn't freedom to be disallowed from procedures and patient contact. It was prison for him. Sure, he hardly met with his patients anyway, but he missed being able to order tests and sit in his chair in his office.

It was _his_ name on the door. _His_ office. _His_ tennis ball. _He_ wanted to call the shots, but until the board reviewed the letter Nolan had promised to write, House couldn't do any of those things. He had to keep on missing them.

And deal with Foreman hating him. But then, he had a feeling that Foreman had always hated him. So that wasn't so bad. And it wasn't like he hadn't had to answer to Foreman before, right? And it was roughly the same amount of time this time…four weeks. Unless it took longer than that to give him back his license.

This was going to be a loooooooooooooong month or so.

* * *

Yay! It's done! Maybe the tag for tomorrow's episode won't be so late....but no promises....


	5. Chapter 4

Title: Trust

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy

Genre: Friendship

Set: 6x05 "Instant Karma" when Cuddy is talking to House in Pede ICU

Rating: PG

Summary: The most important aspect of any relationship is trust. But what kind of relationship is this?

AN: OMFGBBQ!!!! What the hell is wrong with me!?!? Ugh… not enough Huddy scenes in these first few episodes…leaves me kinda uninspired… but here it is… Hopefully there will be more Huddyness soon… That...and I've been seriously distracted by family issues... but it's here... new episode tonight, and I'll see what I can pull out of it and hopefully have that chapter out by Wednesday or Thursday, depending on what I can pull out...it definitely will not be this late again....

* * *

He watched her turn to leave, wondering if she somehow knew the truth.

"Cuddy…" he called. She turned back to look at him. House raised a finger to beckon her closer, and she came. Resisting the urge to crack the old joke, he cleared his throat. "You did it again…"

"Did what?" she asked, leaning on the desk.

"That…thing…you did a few months ago…" At her confused look, he rolled his eyes and elaborated. "When we had that environmentalist guy… and you thought Cameron wanted me. And I told you she didn't, and you just walked away…"

"You remember that?" Cuddy asked, surprised.

"Hard to forget… Considering it interested me, and I'm still trying to figure out why…" House admitted. He ignored the faint blush on Cuddy's cheeks and picked up his train of thought. "Anyway…my point is. You did it again. You asked me something. I told you what it wasn't. You seem satisfied. It interests me."

"House…You said it wasn't you, and you said it wasn't Foreman. I have to trust you. I have to trust that you've really changed. And I have to trust that I can trust you… If you said it wasn't you, I believe you. If you said it wasn't Foreman, I believe you."

House blinked at her. He stared at her, then blinked some more. He'd done something sneaky and underhanded for reasons he couldn't even fathom, and had denied it. And Cuddy believed him.

Actually believed him.

Wow. House didn't know if he'd be able to ever tell her the truth. If he even wanted to…

"Cuddy… you said it yourself. You can't take me at my word because I'm an addict. Sure, I'm a recovered addict, but still. You can't just blindly trust me… unless you have a reason." He smirked and narrowed his eyes slightly. "You do have a reason for blindly trusting me…"

"House. My reasons are my own."

"You're deflecting. Anytime I ask your reasons for something, you deflect. Why'd you hire me? Your reason is your own. Why do you let me get away with more shit than any other doctor in this hospital? Your reason is weak. Why did we sleep together in college? Why'd we sleep together back in January?"

"House!" Cuddy blushed. "Can we please not talk about this right now?"

"Lisa… if we don't talk about it now, we'll never talk about it… I have to know why you trust me." He watched her say nothing. He watched her close her eyes and look at the floor. He watched her blush slightly and he raised an eyebrow in interest.

"I will talk about it when I want to talk about it…" she finally answered. She turned to leave, but stopped briefly at the door, wondering if House would call her back again.

"Lisa…if you're going to trust me…do it for the right reasons."

She turned her head to look at him, but stayed by the door. Her eyes showed nothing but the way she stood asked him what he meant.

"It was me. Don't tell Thirteen…don't tell Foreman. Don't tell anyone." He looked up at her, complete seriousness on his face.

"Why?"

"I don't know… I honestly don't know…"

"I meant about not telling anyone. Why?"

"They all think I've changed…or at least want to think that I'm trying to change. And I am trying… I know it doesn't make any sense, but when I figure it out myself, I'll let you know…" Surprisingly, Cuddy seemed to accept that, and he watched her turn back and leave the ICU. Once she'd left, he finally went to the door of the patient's room and slid it open. He didn't look back.

* * *

Finally... took me a bit to figure out how to end it, but there you have it... hopefully next one will be better and on time....


	6. Chapter 5

Title: L… (is for the way you look at me)

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy, mentions of Cuddy/Lucas, very brief mentions of House/Stacy and House/Lydia

Genre: Friendship/Romance

Set: 6x06 "Brave Heart" near the end

Rating: PG

Summary: For some reason, he just can't get past the first letter before the rules change again. First part of a mini-arc.

AN: Yes…it's finally happened. A decent Huddy scene! And you know I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth…using the actual dialogue, as I usually do to make it more Huddy-ish. There will be some original dialogue too, though… This mini-arc will span this episode and the next three, so 6, 7, 8, and 9...which is lucky, because episode nine has a very special scene that all us Huddy shippers have been waiting for… I'm not going to spoil it, but if you ask in a review, I shall answer! On with the sexual tension!!!

* * *

"There's no sexual tension," she said, looking down at him. She cared about him, but she couldn't let him get too close. Or he'd find out. And she knew if he found out about Lucas, he'd do what he always did and ruin it for her. Cuddy was actually happy for once, and she wouldn't let House ruin it. Therefore, he couldn't find out about her relationship with the private investigator. She missed the very brief look of hurt in his eyes.

"There was tension," he argued, "and it made me feel funny…" he added with just a hint of humor. He could admit it in the privacy of his own mind, but to actually say it aloud after the heartbreak he'd felt over and over again in the past…Cuddy in college, Stacy after that. Stacy again a few years ago, Cuddy again before Mayfield, Lydia as he was leaving Mayfield… House sighed. He couldn't take any more heartbreak. He was fifty, for God's sake. He didn't like to admit it, even to himself, but it was time to find something permanent. And he wanted that something permanent with Cuddy.

What kind of permanent, he wasn't sure. Dating, certainly, would be a start. Marrying her? Probably not…he'd vowed never to marry after how close he'd come to asking Stacy. He hadn't asked her of course, because before he even started looking for a ring, his leg had happened, and they'd grown apart to the point that she left him. He'd promised himself never to let that kind of heartbreak happen again, and so he'd vowed to never marry. His thoughts were broken when he sensed her turning away.

"That's too bad…" he smirked and she turned to face him. He tried to be serious as he continued the thought, but he couldn't stop a small amount of desire from seeping into his voice. "I was kinda getting into the whole hot-for-teacher thing…" For a short moment, he was afraid he'd gone too far with that comment, but his words were rewarded with a very faint blush.

Cuddy seemed to realize she was blushing, because she immediately fought it back. For the love of God, she was in a relationship! She couldn't let herself ruin it because House continued to remind her why she cared for him…perhaps even still loved him, even after everything that had happened between them. Even considering his weird moods the past couple days.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, even knowing it wasn't what he'd hoped to hear in response to his obvious flirting. And she was right, because as soon as the words left her mouth, his face fell.

"Yeah, false alarm…" House muttered, looking away. He finally got the courage to outright flirt with her, taking an entire step up from the flirting he'd attempted before his commitment. And she'd barely reacted aside from a quickly-covered blush. He figured that maybe she wasn't ready to try to be with him, even though he'd been positive nearly a year before that she'd wanted a relationship. With him. What the hell had changed? Had their secret and unspoken-of tryst ruined things? Had his hallucination…? No. He couldn't think of that. It was past. It was what he wanted for sure, he knew now. But he couldn't think of it as a hallucination. Even though that's what it was, he wanted to think of it more like a fantasy. A fantasy that might one day become true. One day. If he was going to continue to think like that, he had to be sure he still had a chance with her.

"What about us…?" he asked, looking up at her, his eyes pleading for some shred of hope for a possibility of a future together.

"We're good. Just like this." House allowed a slightly crestfallen look to pass over his features as he looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "You press my buttons, I press yours."

House blinked. That was all? She liked their weird and argumentative banter? He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Bringing up all the other things that she obviously liked about their relationship probably wouldn't be good after she'd flat out refused to talk about it last week. Looking up at her, he had to think of something to say, and thought of mentioning why that answer wasn't good enough for him, but what came out wasn't what he'd expected.

"By "buttons" you mean…" he started, but was cut off by a look from Cuddy.

"House, please. Don't go there. Not right now." Her eyes were shadowed as she looked at him. Begging him to drop it before they did something else they'd regret. Like kiss. Well…something she'd regret… And if she did let House get too close, Lucas would find out about it, because Lisa told him about her day every night when she finally managed to get home. If House was going to find out about her relationship, she'd prefer it to not be like that.

"Lisa… You can't keep avoiding me. What happened between us won't go away just because you refuse to acknowledge that it happened. All I'm asking is that we talk.."

"No, House. No… You don't want to talk. You never want to talk…"

"Well, what if I really have changed? What if I really do want to talk? What if, maybe…just maybe, I want --" House quieted immediately and looked away. He hadn't really meant for the last question to come out, even though he hadn't allowed himself to finish it.. He wasn't ready to tell her he wanted her…wanted a real, actual, romantic relationship. A sexual relationship…

"What? What do you want? House…I can't be with you… It's…"

"Against the rules? Risking both our careers? Grinding the rumor mill? Cause if that's the problem, I got news for you," he argued back, standing up and leaning on his cane. "In case it somehow managed to escape your attention sometime in the past twelve years, I don't care about your rules… And it's not like I have much of a career without a license, and even after I get it back, it's not like I'll care. I risked my job half a dozen times and you…you've always been there to save it…. And would it really be so bad if the nurses kept thinking I got special treatment because we're sleeping together?"

"HOUSE! Stop it! Now…." Cuddy stared at him, hands fisted at her side, fighting back tears of anger. "You will start following my rules when your license is reinstated. The only reason I've saved your job in the past was because you're this hospital's best doctor and I can't afford to lose you…"

"Then why'd you fire me?" House asked, cutting her off. Her face went blank. "If you can't afford to lose me, why'd you fire me? You could have kept me on staff, if not on payroll, while I was in the asylum. But you had to fire me. Which brings me right back to my previous point. You're uncomfortable around me…. Admit it, Cuddy. I make you nervous, uncomfortable…"

"Yeah. You do. The constant sexual harassment would make anyone uncomfortable, House. That being said, it's going to stop. Now. And yes. It would be bad for everyone to think that I let you get away with everything because we're sleeping together. We've done it twice House. Twice. And both times, it was a mistake. I let you get away with things no one else would let you get away with because you save lives. Because you're a brilliant doctor…that's all. If you have any thoughts in your head that say otherwise, get rid of them now." At the once-more crestfallen look on her employee's face, Lisa knew she'd hurt him horribly. He'd brought up very good points, and she was shooting him down, using the reasons she gave everyone else, but she couldn't be with House when she was with Lucas. A man who actually loved and respected her and didn't make uncouth comments about her body or her clothing. She loved Lucas and…

…and she loved House too. God knew why. A single tear fell down her cheek, her eyes filled with confusion. She couldn't let House see her like this. Cuddy turned to leave, but was stopped by a hand on her arm. She turned back, and House raised a hand to wipe away the tear.

"Lisa…I l…." He choked as he started, and stopped, taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He looked at her lips, and he could have sworn he felt her eyes on his. It took all his will power not to lean in and kiss those pink-glossed lips. Instead, his eyes flicked back up to hers in time to see that he'd been right about where she'd been looking. That was all the proof he needed. He wanted to kiss her, and she wanted him to kiss her. A light brush couldn't hurt, could it?

Almost as soon as the thought had entered his head, he bent his head to hers, very briefly brushing his lips over hers. Neither made a move to deepen the almost-kiss or pull away. House pulled back to look into her eyes, his hand dropping from her arm.

"…" He parted his lips to speak, but nothing came out. Cuddy gave him a confused look, and he finally came up with something. A rephrasement of what he'd wanted to say, what he'd come so close to saying.

"You do make me feel funny…" he smiled, hoping she didn't think he was harassing her again. His comment came from the heart, and that's the particular part of his anatomy he was referring to. His heart did beat faster when she was around, and it seemed to skip a beat whenever she said his name, whether it was spoken in anger, annoyance, or just to get his attention. His heart swelled with some emotion he couldn't outwardly put a name to every time he looked into her eyes. But he knew what it was.

As he turned to leave, he was pleasantly surprised when the faint blush returned to her cheeks. Leaving his office to see his patient, he knew. Whatever it was he felt, she felt it too. And now, the only question was how much longer they could deny it.

* * *

Wow...didn't expect them to fight while I was writing it, but hey, can you really blame them? The next few chapters will more than likely contain more Cuddy/Lucas, but it's all about the Huddy here, people!!!


	7. Chapter 6

Title: O… (is you're the only one I see…)

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy, mentions of Lucas/Cuddy

Genre: Romance

Set: 6x07 "Known Unknowns"

Rating: PG

Summary: Telling her the truth got a lot of his chest, but put a lot more on his mind.

AN: So sorry this is late. I spent most of Tuesday doing Christmas shopping, then had a friend stay over, was distracted most of Wednesday, Thursday was housework day, so it's finally here on Friday 13th… but hopefully the stuff in this chapter will offset the bad luck of the day.

AN2: Second part of the mini-arc, and I'm guessing you all can guess where it's going... anyways, this took me forever to write, so I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Everything he'd said had been the truth. Sure, most of it sounded clichéd, but it had been the truth. He really had intended to call her after their sordid one night affair. He really would have tracked her down to see if they could have had a real relationship after that. Even if it didn't make sense that he'd abandoned those plans after he'd been expelled, shouldn't it matter that he'd had the plans in the first place?

Heaving a sigh, House followed Cuddy out of the party, ripping the ridiculous wig off and dropping it on the floor as he left.

"Cuddy…wait…" he called when he saw her. He really hoped that she'd wait for him, since it would be hard for him to catch up to her, no matter how fast he limped after her. A relieved smile quickly crossed his lips when she stopped to wait for him. She turned as he approached and his eyes apologized to her before his voice caught up. "If I… If what I said back there…scared you… I'm sorry… But I thought it was what you'd want to hear. It's all true, and I thought you wanted to hear it… I thought you'd want to know that I wanted something more than just that one night…"

Cuddy stared at him and he shut up, his eyes flickering around to look anywhere but at her face. He'd seen an opportunity to tell her how he felt, and he'd gone for it, and embarrassed them both. He hadn't meant to embarrass her…

"House… I… I did want you to say all that, but not right now… Not in the middle of everything else I have to process and deal with…" Cuddy gave an apologetic half smile. _And especially not while I'm in a relationship…_ she added in her head. Sure, she realized that House was doing his best, and he was being honest; the look in his eyes as he'd said those things and been proof enough of the truth of what he'd said. But with Lucas, she didn't have to wonder if he was being honest. She knew he meant what he said. "I appreciate you being honest, though…"

"Cuddy… There's so much more I want to say to you, but it never comes out right. Every time I try to tell you the truth, it gets lost somewhere along the way…" House stuttered. He knew exactly how he felt about her, there was no longer a doubt in his mind about the woman in front of him. He loved her, more than he could ever put into words. But he couldn't tell her that…

"The truth about what, House? I thought all that back there," she gestured in the direction they had come from, "was the truth. What more could you have to tell me?" She had a feeling she knew, based on all the conversations they'd had since he'd left the asylum and come back to work.

"…" Here was his big chance. She wanted him to say it, but the words caught in his throat all over again. It was times like this that House wished he had rehearsed those three simple words to the mirror, or his pillow, or even the doctor-dressed bear in Wilson's office. And it wasn't something he could say to her without planning it. He had to plan for all possible outcomes before telling her, or any woman, something that important. "I… only came to the party because I knew you'd be there. And you were the only one I wanted to dance with… and…" he trailed off, figuring that his chicken-out point had been made. She was his reason for being here. And her potential reaction scared the hell out of him.

"You're only here…because I'm here…? House… that's…" she shook her head slowly. "That's insane. That's…"

"Completely true," House finished, stepping closer to her. He gulped, thinking she might take one step back for his every step forward, but she didn't move, just stared unblinkingly up at him. The look in her eyes struck a chord in his heart; it was a look of confusion and daring. A look that he'd only fantasized about seeing in her eyes again. A look that wanted to know what he wanted, but at the same time daring him to action before speech. He took the dare, swooping down on her lips, pressing a chaste and longing kiss to them. It surprised him enough to pull back when she didn't return the kiss. "I… I'm sorry, Cuddy… I…" he swallowed hard again, and turned to walk away.

He was stopped by a hand on his cane arm. His piercing blue eyes looked back into her bright blue-green ones, dark with uncertainty. "House…" she whispered. "Please don't do that again… I don't want either of us to get hurt…" House nodded once to her plea and gently tore his arm from her grip, turning back to walk away. He never thought it would hurt so much to hear her say that, but the pain of his heartbreak only made him more determined to win her heart all over again.

* * *

The next afternoon, he found himself at the door of her hotel room, ready to continue with his plan, despite the events of the previous night. He would take care of Cuddy's little girl, bond with her, be a father figure to Rachel, and once the child was hanging onto his lapel, and Lisa saw how much her little girl loved the man she herself had apparently sworn to hate… he would be in, and could work from that angle. Sure, using Rachel to get to Cuddy was highly underhanded and just a little bit selfish, but it was the only plan he had after last night's attempts had failed.

When it seemed as if this plan would fail and he was turning away, dejected and rejected once again, he heard it. The sound that he was sure would save him… he turned back into the room and his heart shattered in his chest.

This… couldn't be happening. Not this. Not him… anyone but him… House shook his head slowly in disbelief, the words of the bet he'd had with Lucas late last year coming back to him.

_Let's see who gets there first…_

House had failed. He'd got there too late. He'd missed his chance. Never mind the fact that he technically had 'gotten there first'…. twenty years ago first… but he sensed that that didn't count. So, he'd failed. He'd lost the woman he was born to love to another man because he couldn't say three simple words that probably came quite naturally to Lucas.

Giving Rachel a last glance, as if to tell the little girl that she better not get used to the man currently keeping her occupied, House turned to Cuddy, his heartbreak evident in his eyes. When she said nothing, he turned to leave. His ribs felt like they were being crushed in a vice and his heart was in pieces on the floor of his stomach.

If he compared it to the heart-wrenching pain he'd felt when Stacy had left him the first time, Cuddy's rejection of him rated a nine to Stacy's four. He hoped to never know how a ten would feel, especially if that ten was Cuddy.

He frowned hard as he returned to his and Wilson's room, his determination to win her back from the arms of the long-forgotten PI stronger than ever now that he knew who was keeping her from giving into him.

"This isn't over, Lucas… You haven't won yet…" he muttered to the air as he walked. He would win. He wouldn't stop until he had won. This was too important to him to let go. He wanted… _needed_… Lisa Cuddy in his life. If Rachel ended up tagging along, that would be perfectly fine with him. The girl needed a father, after all. And the simple fact that House was contemplating becoming the youngster's dearly-needed father figure was only proof of his deep love for the baby's adoptive mother. He loved Cuddy. Now if he could only say it out loud…


	8. Chapter 7

Title: V… (is very, very extra-ordinary…)

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy, Lucas/Cuddy

Genre: Angst

Set: 6x08 "Teamwork"

Rating: R for language

Summary: If there was anything he wished he could forget, it was her look of happiness as she left him behind…

AN: Ugh… Almost no House/Cuddy scenes in the whole thing…. Next week will be better, since House is spilling his true feelings. Next week's tag will also be the end of this L-O-V-E mini-arc. And the one after that will be the last one before the winter break. Never fear, though… we will still get our House fix in December when Hugh Laurie guest voices as Dr. House on a special episode of Family Guy (if you watch that show at all) on December 13. If you want me to do a special tag for that, let me know in a review! On with the fic!

* * *

So… that was it then. She'd completely forgotten he existed. She was with someone who made her happy, and she'd completely forgotten about him. She'd forgotten the kiss they'd shared when her adoption had fallen through before that… the love they'd made while he was experimenting with Methadone… House had been completely erased from Cuddy's love life and he didn't like it. His heart broke when he saw her leave with Lucas. He could hear it break as well as he could hear it beat.

House knew that if he was given the chance, he could make Cuddy smile like that, make her laugh, make her feel safe and loved. If only he was given the chance… But from the smile on Lisa's face as she leaned against Lucas as they left the hospital, completely oblivious to his eyes watching them, House would never be given that chance.

"They look happy, don't they?" he asked when he felt a presence next to him. "Perfectly fucking content…"

"House, you know you shouldn't swear at work…" Wilson sighed, leaning on the railing next to him. "I think she cares about you, actually." House turned a look on his friend that seemed to scream 'don't even joke about it'. "It's true," Wilson argued. "I was talking to her in the clinic earlier and she can't seem to be happy if you aren't happy… She likes you, House…"

"If she liked me, Wilson, she'd be dating me instead of him," House sighed, gesturing vaguely at the doors his boss and her boyfriend had just passed through.

"She actually apologized to me for not dating you… She might have been being sarcastic, though. Hard telling with her." Wilson shrugged.

"Wait…she told you she was sorry she wasn't dating me?" House asked, straightening slightly and turning wide eyes on his best friend. "Which means that she does want to date me…"

"House, you're reading way too much into it. I told you, she might have been being sarcastic. She's happy with Lucas, and I told you before, she's better off without you…"

House looked hurt at Wilson's words and turned away from him again. This was just un-fucking-believable. Even his own best friend was against him. "You spent the last five years trying to get us together, and now you're telling me that you honestly think it's better if I just give up and walk away? I can't do that, Wilson… I need her in my life." He heard Wilson take a step back.

"House… you're not seriously…?"

"I am!" he shouted, turning to look at Wilson again. "I am interested in her. I am attracted to her. She's gorgeous, Wilson, and I want to be the one who makes her happy! There! I've admitted it…" Cuddy was his perfect woman and it seemed like he was the only one who could really see it.

"House…" Wilson muttered, staring at his friend. "I… wow… You made your decision…" He blinked slowly, as if unable to comprehend that House had answered his old question, one asked long ago, before the older doctor was institutionalized.

"Damn right I have! I'm having both. Because my answer _is_ Cuddy. If I don't have her, I don't have anything." He slumped against the railing of the balcony and looked at the floor. "I can't just walk away. You were right earlier… I do feel abandoned. I've been wooing her for years, and I finally get ready to make a real move on her and I've missed my chance…" House sighed and raised tired eyes to Wilson.

"…You might still have a chance. I don't know what kind of chance, but there might still be one." Wilson shrugged. He willingly ignored the gleam of thought that sparkled suddenly in House's blue eyes.

If there wasn't an obvious chance for him to be with her, he'd make one. A plan started to form in his head and he worked it over and around and looked at it from every possibly angle as he pushed away from the railing and limped to the elevator to make his way down to the ground floor. It was a good plan, and he knew that if he did it right, it would work. House barely spared a thought that his plans rarely went right and usually blew up in his face. But this one had to work.

It was his only shot. He could vaguely hear Wilson tiredly ask him what he was thinking, in a tone that suggested he was only asking because he had always asked and no longer cared what the aged diagnostician came up with. The oncologist followed him into the elevator and repeated the obligatory question.

"You'll find out soon enough… I have to make it perfect before I put it in action. This plan will work, I assure you." House smiled to himself as he pressed the button to go down to the main level.

* * *

Poor heartbroken House... Very much looking forward to Monday, and that tag will most definitely be posted very shortly after the episode airs. Within two days, I swear it this time! And again, if you want to see a special tag to House's appearance on Family Guy, let me know in a review! See you all next week when House finally says the L word!!!


	9. Chapter 8

Title: E… (is even more than anyone that you adore could love…)

Category: House, MD

Pairing: House/Cuddy, Cuddy/Lucas

Genre: Angst

Set: 6x09 "Ignorance is Bliss"

Rating: PG

Summary: She was going to walk away from him again, only this time, there was no stopping her.

AN: End of the arc, and if I may say so, House's confession was beautiful! And I believe that it was not, as he claimed, a ruse to get Lucas to break up with Cuddy. Cause if he didn't honestly love her, he wouldn't be trying to break them up in the first place, right? Anyway, it seems like Thursday is the day I usually update this, so here it is, and to all my USA readers, Happy Thanksgiving!

* * *

House sighed as he looked after her. "Cuddy…" he called. She turned and he let out another sigh, this one of relief, glad that she was actually going to listen to him. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off before he could say another word.

"Don't do this, House… I'm happy for once. I deserve to be happy with a guy without you ruining it. I'm happy with Lucas, and no matter what you think of him dating me, no matter what you told him you felt about me, I'm not going to break up with him, and I'm not going to go out with you. I told you…"

"Yeah, I know. You told me we can't be together… That's why I'm not asking you out anymore. I've accepted it--"

"You haven't accepted anything, House," Cuddy interrupted. "You haven't accepted our relationship, because you tried to break us up."

"Because you don't deserve him!" House hissed. "You deserve someone who knows you, someone who--"

"House, shut up. Please. I know you don't think I deserve any of the guys I go out with. You always find something wrong with them so that that's all I can focus on when I'm with them, or you say something to scare them away. Not anymore, not this time…"

"Cuddy, I…"

"No, House, I'm not done. Lucas loves me, and he loves Rachel. Rachel loves him. Rachel needs a good, steady, reliable father figure and I need a man that I can count on. Lucas is good for Rachel, and he's good for me. You just don't want to admit it."

"Can I talk now? Please?" House sighed again. "I understand all of that, and I'm… in the process of accepting it. But what I told Lucas was the truth. Whether you believe it or not, it was the truth." House stepped closer to Cuddy, looking down into her eyes. "I am pathetic. I don't deserve you. I've blown every chance you've ever given me. And I--"

"Don't say it, House… just, don't." Cuddy turned away, hiding her eyes. "Please, just accept that Lucas and I are together, and don't ruin it for me…"

"Lisa, I.."

"House!" she yelled, turning back to him. "Please… don't say my name like that… You only use my first name when you're trying to be intimate. We are not intimate. We will never be intimate… I've told you before, and I'm telling you again, for the last time. Get over me…" Turning away again, she stalked toward the doors and left the hospital, left House standing there.

"I was going to say… I deserve to be happy too…" he said to the empty air. He hung his head and leaned against the reception desk, sighing heavily. He lifted his head enough to look out the doors for a brief moment before looking back at the floor. He forced himself to believe it would be pointless to follow her, to tell her to her face the same thing he'd drunkenly told Lucas. _I love her…_

He'd admitted it out loud, but it still weighed on his shoulders, still left his chest feeling tight. Letting out another heavy sigh, he pushed away from the desk and limped out the doors, leaning heavily on his cane. He was starting to feel the slight stirrings of depression, which made his leg give a sharp twinge.

* * *

"House… you're late…" Wilson said from the doorway into the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

"You always ask that, and the answer is always the same," House answered, moving to the couch to collapse onto it, rubbing his leg. "Could you, you know? Get me some Advil or naproxen or something…?" he asked, looking over the back of the couch.

"House, meds aren't gonna help. If your leg hurts that bad…"

"It does. I asked for over-the-counter meds. Unless you think talking through it is better than non-narcotics…" he snapped back. Wilson sighed and turned into the kitchen, returning a few moments later with two Advil and a glass of water.

"They're not gonna help…" he started as he handed them to his roommate.

"They will if I think they will," House answered, swallowing them back. "Remember all that mind-over-matter stuff you kept preaching a few years ago?" He took a long drink of the water and set the glass down on the coffee table. "She rejected me…"

"Of course she rejected you… she's in a relationship. You can't expect her to drop Lucas and realize you're the one she desperately needs?" Wilson blinked, then gave an exasperated sigh at the look House shot him. "House, you missed your chance. Move on."

"Dammit, Wilson! The past five years, you've been wanting me to make a move on her when you weren't busy doing it yourself! And now you're telling me 'oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong this whole time and there's no way in hell you two would ever be good together.' Tell me, Wilson, is this some epiphany you had while I was away, or is it part of your Stop-Enabling campaign?" House didn't seem to notice or even care that his best friend looked slightly hurt at his words.

"House… it's not like that. She's… happy. She deserves to be happy…"

"So do I!" House raged, turning pained eyes on Wilson. "I deserve it just as much as anyone else."

Wilson said nothing, just turned away. There was nothing he could say, since House did have a point. One that Wilson wasn't really in the mood to argue about. He could have shot back that House had been miserable for so long he didn't know how to be happy, but he didn't want to draw out this argument all night.

"Get some sleep, House. It's been a long day…"

* * *

Sorry to end it there, but I thought it was a good place to cut it off. Also, I hated the House/Wilson interaction at the end, so I changed it. Artistic license is an amazing thing, ain't it? Anyway... still no word on whether ya'll want something for the Family Guy episode guest starring Hugh Laurie as Gregory House. And only one vote in the poll in my profile for Golden Afternoon.... which won't be updated until I have some idea of what my readers want to see happen. I do so hate to disappoint my readers... Read, review, please vote in the poll, see you all next week after the Wilson-centric episode...


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